Continuititus
by Two-Eyed Charlie
Summary: Continuititus: a debilitating disease suffered by characters who's different characterizations are at risk of tearing said character apart. The W.H.O ranks it as the single greatest pandemic to hit the DCU since the "Crisis-Gulf A" strand during the mid 2000's.


**"And when you gaze long into the abyss, you realize that DC owns all the characters, except for the ones it doesn't, and that everything and all you do on fanfiction is utterly meaningless to the lives of the creators. Oh and it stares back and you as well."**

 **-Friedrich Nietzsche, the man everyone pretends to understand but no one really does. Also my god was he a huge asshole, like Jesus Christ man...**

* * *

 _ **Continuititus**_

The room was dark; an uncomfortable and stuffy sort of blackness, illuminated solely by a single, piercing beam from an overhead lamp. Dr. Berger could easily read the shifting discomfort in her patient; his otherwise strong eyes darting back and forth from the shadows nervously, his posture slumped and uncertain. If it wasn't for the shield adorning his chest, she was certain she never would have pegged him as the Superhero type.

He seemed…very human in the dim light. Perhaps she could sue that to her advantage.

"What should I call you? Kal or Clark?"

The man seated in front ringed his hands, setting them gently down in front of him, as he answered with a voice laced with reserve.

"I…I don't know doctor. That's…that's why I'm here, really."

"You don't know?" she repeated, tapping her pen against her lips. Superman nodded in confirmation, leaning harder against the table as if some great pressure was pushing him further down.

"No, no I really don't. I mean…half the time I can't seem to figure out whether I'm just some alien who crashed on earth or…or I don't know…"

"A man who discovered he possesses something special?"

His eyes seemed to light up at her explanation. Only moderately, she noticed, but none the less a small spark had been struck in the soul of the man in front of her, a poetic signal to keep pressing this train of thought further.

"I'm glad you understand Doc…uh, if I can call you that…"

"You may."

"Oh good, uhm…"

From what she had seen on television, she knew that a rather meek and indecisive Superman was far from the norm, at least when the public eye was concerned. Unsurprisingly, she figured; after all, no one on earth was put on a higher pedestal, likely against his will…depending on the day, it appeared, if his split interpretation was any indication. As such, she figured it would be prudent to push the questions on him, take the direction of the conversation into her own hands, lest he feel he was faltering and lost confidence.

She needed him to open up, after all.

"If I may hazard a guess, Superman, you're struggling to decide which interpretation of your character to embrace; the Kryptonian "Kal" who uses a human identity to fit in, or "Clark Kent", a man who has always thought of himself as human first and only later discovered a vast and alien past far beyond what he could have ever imagined."

Again, a small little explosion of colour surfaced in his eyes, drawing a smile from both her and her patient.

"Yes, that…that pretty much sums it up perfectly. You could almost say…heh, it's a real crisis."

"I wouldn't use that word around here too often, Superman." She warned. He sank a little bit back into his chair, prompting Dr. Berger's face to soften as she hurried to move on.

"Well then Superman, I'll pose another question; which one do you think best fits the character of Superman?"

He shot her a befuddled glance, unsure of how to answer her unexpected question.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…of the two identities, "Kal" or "Clark", which one do you think better exemplifies all that Superman is? Is Superman a god who is destined to watch over us from some cloudy perch?"

"Oh god no!" he exclaimed in an almost offended tone, leaping upwards from his chair. "No…no not at all! My father taught me…he taught me humility and respect for humanity dignity and freedom. Things that I've cherished as I've grown up."

"So you don't see yourself as a ruler? Or even a saviour?" She pressed, deftly jotting down notes onto her notepad.

"I don't ever want to rule these people or fly above them like I'm…I'm some sort of messiah. I want to save them, all of them, and that'll never change, but as much good as Superman can do, I can do a lot more if I can help lift them up as opposed to acting like an omnipotent god."

She hummed to herself as she finished up her last note, though she couldn't hide the smile forming on her face. "And how would you do that Superman? 'Lift them up', I mean."

She could see his face contort as thoughts coursed at light speed through his brain. He began to pace the room, back and forth, stroking his chin and burrowing his eyes into whatever wall happened to be in front of him.

"Well…I'd need to show them that it's not my powers that define me. It's what's inside, what I want to do and how I look at the world and its people that make me do what I do. I mean…I always figured that, even if I had no powers, I'd still want to go out every day and make the world a better place."

"Interesting…" she was tapping her pen against her chin again, having stopped writing to listen intently.

"It probably wouldn't be a superhero kind of thing, I mean. Not like…like Bruce or Ollie. But…but I'd have to do something, you know? It's my desire to do good that makes me fly into a burning building, not the fact that I can fly in of itself. So they'd need to understand that."

"Anything else?" she questioned, having resumed taking notes again. His pacing stopped, replaced now by him standing like a statue, his eyes still lost in thought.

But significantly brighter than before, she noted gleefully.

"They need to know that I feel, too. I'm not some…some unfeeling…what was that Sagan quote; I'm not "sitting on a throne tallying the fall of every sparrow"…I feel happy, I feel sad, I laugh, I cry…"

"You love?"

"I do."

"Do you feel fear?"

"Absolutely." There was no hesitation in his answer.

"What do you fear, Superman? Failure?"

He paused and stared at the ground, his posture rigid. After a few silent seconds, he tentatively stepped forward towards his chair. Sitting down, he eyed Dr. Berger, his gaze filled…almost with a touch of shame.

"No…no really, if there's one thing I'm afraid of…it's myself."

Dr. Berger was sure her look betrayed her surprise, but she asked her follow up question anyways. "What do you mean?"

"I'm afraid of what I can do, what these powers are and what they might lead me to…" he trailed off, staring in the direction of the door. "What Superman really is, is a guy who wants to do good by the world, who loves it's people and cares deeply about not only their short term lives, but also the fate of the species as a whole, and want's nothing more than to watch as they grow and evolve. Someone who'll always be there for when they fall, but would much rather give them a kind smile and a warm congratulations for when they reach new heights either by themselves or alongside me…"

"Go on, Superman…" she prodded gently.

"And above all, Superman is a guy who puts limits on himself for all those reasons…but mostly because the only being he fears in this universe is the one he sees in the mirror every day, and he'd do anything to prevent that image from distorting into a power hungry god from another planet."

She closed her notepad, placing it gently on the table, and crossed her hands behind it. She was sure that he could see her discrete smile now, after all he had several different types of vision, but none the less she attempted to look as stoic as possible as she poised her next question.

But she was almost lost with excitement at finally hammering this home.

"That's good, Superman, but you still haven't answered _how_ you would do all of this. _How_ you would show humanity all these things."

For the briefest of seconds, his face was unchanged, still lost in the introspection of earlier. But like a bolt of lightning eliminating a dark cloud, his brain put the pieces of Dr. Berger's puzzle together. A smile streaked across his face, and a sense of warmth began to permeate the room, pushing away the stuffiness and the foreboding darkness.

For the first time since he walked into the room, Dr. Berger felt every bit of the hope that his character embodied.

"By living amongst them." He responded. "No…by _being_ them. In every way shape or form, even in costume. None of this is stuff I can simply tell people, they need to actually _see_ me embody everything I said. So…I need to constantly live that way, every day of my life I need to be reminded of what makes me…well, _me_."

She gave him yet another satisfied smile as he cupped his hand with her own. "Very interesting Superman, you sound like a very human character. And…it sounds like that might really be your biggest strength, beyond the powers and the invulnerability, _that_ is the essence of Superman." She released his hand and sank back into her chair, giving off an aura of business still not being completed. "Now I just have one last question for you; when you mentioned your father earlier…"

"Yes…?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

"Which one did you mean?"

He laughed, a deep, hearty chuckle that turned into a snicker as he attempted to control himself. It was filled self-deprecation, as though he was as equally cursing himself as he was mocking his inability to see the answer sooner. With his head resting on his left arm, his mighty frame still chuckling behind lustful eyes, he answered the doctor's question.

"I…hehe, I was talking about Pa. I…jeez, that should have been a hint, shouldn't it?"

"Don't take it too hard…Mr. Kent." She responded with a wink. She began to fold up her notes and papers from the desk as his laughing stopped, promoting her to turn back to the Man of Steel. He looked more worried now, a little sliver of concern having wormed its way back onto his features.

"I'm still "Kal" though…aren't I? I mean, a little bit, right?"

"Of course Superman," she responded confidently, "at the end of the day, you were still born on Krypton, and being a Kryptonian is a big part of who you are. But that shouldn't sacrifice the human aspects of your character that you hold so dear; if anything, it should help bring those to the forefront; a constant reminder to every one of just how human you really are."

"Oh," he replied, his voice more jovial and his face less dark, "ok, yeah I see…"

"You'll still have moments where you'll feel as though you're being lost in the clouds, but I wouldn't worry too much. You've got that lovely girl Lois to keep you grounded; I know she'll always be there to help make sure that Clark Kent is never lost to everything Superman is expected to do."

In an instant, his face fell again, a mixture of shame, sheepishness, and more than a little terror. She didn't want to ask…but she knew she had too…

"Clark…what did…"

"We're not really together…uh…anymore…" he almost blurted out, starling her with both his bluntness and the sheer idiocy of the act itself. She fumbled with her bag, throwing bits and pieces everywhere as she struggled to find a pen that worked. Tearing off a small piece of paper from her fresh notepad, she addressed Superman as her pen scurried over the yellow pages.

"You have a genius level IQ, right?"

"Uh…yes, that…yeah I do. Why?"

"Well," she ripped off a corner of the paper, now adorned with a number and several bolded lines underneath it, "if that's the case, then you probably should have called this counsellor's number _yesterday_."

Taking the hint, he grabbed the bit of paper from her and flew out of the room, half literally at that, only stopping to shout a departing thank you in her direction. She returned tit with a wave, before falling back into her chair with an exhausted sigh.

"Dammit Dan…alright, next please…"

…

…

…

The waiting room for Dr. Berger was bustling, with costumed heroes and villains scurrying around one another in a desperate attempt to find a seat. Situated in a corner were three heroes; one wore nearly all black and pointed ears, a constant scowl frozen on his face. The one beside him wore a red and black set of armour, leaving her arms and legs bare (both of which were twitching somewhat nervously). They eyed the commotion in silence, though that was mostly due to the fact that they were desperately trying to avoid having a conversation with the hero in the orange, scale lined suit next to them.

"There's no reason to be nervous, Princess." Batman stated, placing a hand firmly on her bouncing leg. The oscillating motion ceased, though she eyed the man beside her, unfazed by his dark appearance.

"I disagree; I have plenty to be nervous about. I'm not one to shy away from this sort of thing, but I think I have a very serious case…"

"Karen's the best as what she does," he stated lightly, trying his best to reassure her, "no matter what, she'll be able to help you." He could see her eye him incredulously, so he removed his hand and placed it lightly on her shoulder. "I promise. I wouldn't have asked to come along with you two if I didn't truly believe that."

He breathed a sigh of relief as she smiled warmly, easing herself back into her seat with a slightly more relaxed posture. "Thank you Bruce, that helps."

"It's what I'm here for." He returned with a subdued, but still warm grin of his own. Luckily, the man next to him remained quiet…for now…

"I have to say though; I'm not really sure why you wanted to see her." Wonder Woman stated, her brow again raised. "I don't think you've shown any symptoms in years…"

His looked turned gloomy again; in fact his face almost seemed to be growing stubble right before her very eyes. "Let's just say that I'm afraid "Crazy Steve" will be coming out to play again…" His gaze hardened as he stared across the room at what he could only describe as a anthropomorphic duck wearing a purple trench coat, cape and hat, talking to a far smaller anthropomorphic duck with pig tales.

That it was weird was a thought that never crossed his mind. Why should it? He'd seen some shit in his life.

A hard slap on the back from the man who smelt like a fish market brought his attention back to his companions, though, much to Batman's displeasure, his boisterous voice directed several other sets of eyes his way as well.

"Have no fear old chum! Why I'm sure you're at no greater risk of succumbing to the ravages of this disease than I was that time I…" he continued to blab on as Wonder Woman lightly tapped Batman's shoulder.

"Is Aquaman…"

"Don't say anything," the Dark Knight interupted, "I like him better this way."

"…and I call it: The Time Aquaman was forced to kick the owner of a Red Lobster in his groin! Yes…were you two paying attention? If I must I can always go over the story again…"

The King of the Sea was silenced as Batman's gloved hand clamped over his mouth. He growled in the most threatening way possible, squinting the white slits of his cowl into a ferocious stare.

" **Just because I like you better as a campy commercial for the Superfriends, doesn't mean I need to hear your stories."**

"… _outrageous_ …" murmured Aquaman through crushed lips. Wonder Woman turned to placate the situation with her diplomatic charm, when Superman burst through the door at an impossible speed. Before anyone could say anything, he shot past the group, offering them a brief explanation through his super-ventriloquism power that most comic book fans forgot about after the 1970's.

"Can't talk; have to find world's best chocolate store and prevent Kingdom Come from ever happening!"

None of the three heroes said anything, offering each other only bewildered stares. Most of the other patrons were still recovering from the immense shock wave that followed Superman's speeding form, save for a gruff looking man in a bright yellow costume complaining about his cigar being put out. Taking a deep breath, Wonder Woman stood, regal as ever, and turned towards the open door leading to Dr. Berger's office. She gave Batman one last glance before leaving.

"Well…I guess it's my turn then. Wish me luck."

"You don't need luck, Princess." Batman stated with a slight smirk, prompting Wonder Woman to return his gesture with a smile of her own. She walked into the office, passed the other patrons, as Batman leaned forward in his seat. His stubble, gritted teeth, and copious amounts of extra drawing lines began to accentuate themselves again in the shadows. "And I need a new side-kick…"

"What was that old friend?" Aquaman asked, seeing the dickiest of all his dicky old chums staring straight ahead at the two duck people again.

"I'm going to steal that kid…" he growled in response. A smile crossed his face, the kind that a psychopath would wear if he had just won a lifetime supply of untraceable knives and axes. Aquaman could only gulp.

"Uhm…is there a heavily armed nurse around here by chance? Hehe…oh my…"

…

…

…

Dr. Berger stared at Wonder Woman, noting her strong posture. Diana looked exactly as she had always pictured her; strong, independent, equal parts a compassionate diplomat as she was a fierce warrior, with an aura of love and truth permeating every action she took.

Karen smiled to herself; surely this would be an easy one. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

Before she could comprehend the folly of asking such a question, she began.

"How are you today, Wonder Woman?"

"I'm fine…" she answered, though not with the confidence that Dr. Berger expected. Even more unexpected was the following wave of what she could only describe as moping mixed with a fit of nerves she had only seen in young teenagers. It was almost as if she had become an adolescent in the span of a few sentences.

Then, things only began to get…stranger…

"C-can I have my teddy bear? Please?"

Dr. Berger's eyes widened. "Y-your…uhm, Teddy Bear? Did…did I hear you right?"

"Yes. I want it. And I want it now. Uhm, please."

Karen was still befuddled. "Where…where would I get it, exactly?"

"My home." She replied, almost in a pouting way.

"I don't know where that is…"

"Oh…right. I didn't think about that." The pouting intensified, further mystifying the doctor. Folding her hands on the table, she leaned forward slightly.

"That's alright, Wonder Woman I'm sure that we can…"

"Stop raising your voice at me…"

"I…I beg your pardon?"

Wonder Woman leapt from her chair and unsheathed her sword, sending it flying into the table with a deafening _thwack_. Karen had to cover her eyes as a shower of wood flew out in all directions. Wonder Woman screamed, her voice filled with vitriol and bloodlust.

"I SAID: DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!"

"B-but I wasn't…"

The sword blade was at her throat now, it's impossibly sharp edge digging into the vital skin around her jugular.

"DO YOU WISH TO DIE, WOMAN? I CAN EASILY CUT YOU DOWN WHERE YOU STAND! AND I MOST CERTAINLY _WILL_ IF YOU CONTINUE TO STAND IN THE WAY OF MY…my Teddy Bear?! WHAT USE DOES A WARRIOR HAVE FOR A DAMMED TEDDY BEAR!?"

Wonder Woman, the champion of peace, threatening to kill her? This hardly made sense to Karen, causing her face to yet again contort in confusion.

"Look, Wonder Woman…"

"I BEHOOVE YOU TO REMAIN SILENT LEST I CUT YOUR THROAT IN TWAIN SISTER! I MAY HATE MEN WITH AN UNBRIDDLE PASSION, BUT I AM NOT ABOVE KILLING A FELLOW WOMAN AS WELL!" the terrible, Straw Feminist remark caught Karen offgaurd; surely the beacon of truth and woman empowerment wouldn't act in the way that MRA's painted feminists as, could she? Karen could only gape at her with a bewildered stare, which soon increased exponentially as Wonder Woman started sniffing the air and swooning.

"I…I forgot that Clark was here. Mmmmm, I can still smell him; oh gods it makes me want to drop everything I do and just _be_ with him! Oh I could even create a secret identity just so that I can always and forever be his girlfriend no matter what! Just like that _**bitch, whore Lois Lane**_ was! _ **"**_

At this point, Karen had seen enough.

"This…this is all so terribly out of character…" Karen exclaimed. Her surprise turned into an audible yelp as Wonder Woman threw herself in front of her, nearly sobbing at this point.

" _So you understand!?"_ she screamed from her knees, grabbing onto Dr. Berger's lapels. All the other fragments of herself had melted away now, revealing a Diana at the end of ropes, lost in the torrents of reboots and poor characterization. She was a powerful, complex character…now brought to the brink of tragedy by the careless hands of those who controlled her fate.

It was terrible to watch.

"You have to help me doctor! It's unbearable! One minute I'm this violent psychopath, then next I'm just some whining child, and that's not even the worst of it! Part of me keeps trying to dedicate my entire life to having sex with someone who's practically my _brother_! It's…it's like I don't even know myself anymore when that happens!"

"My god…" Karen gasped, still struggling to comprehend what was happening.

"I've tried everything! At least when I actually have the mind to try _anything_! This is tearing me apart doctor, you have to tell me what's wrong with me!"

Karen stammered slightly again, before pulling out her notepad and shakingly placing her glasses on the edge of her nose. "I-I…my word, I don't think you've had a lengthy, consistent portrayal for more than…well more than a short period of time it would seem, and that was all the way back in the 80's! To say nothing of _good_ portrayals…my god Wonder Woman, no wonder you feel like you're being torn apart; you're practically being abused!"

Wonder Woman nearly began sobbing again as another wave of poor writing painfully swept through her, sending her emotions completely into the wind. Karen continued, well aware that time seemed to be running short. "In fact, it seems as though in the past four years you've been torn between at least _three_ different characterizations, none of them truly reflecting your true personality. It's trying to rebel…but…"

"BUT WHAT!?" she screamed violently, seemingly caught again in another cycle of violent outbursts. Dr. Berger rose hurriedly from her seat and bolted towards the door, leaving Wonder Woman to sniff the ground where Superman had been seated again. Bursting out of her office, Karen called towards the orderlies.

"I need Dr. Rucka, Dr. Simone, and Dr. Jimenez in my office _stat_!" she screamed. "And for the love of god, get me George Perez and whoever the surviving members of the Marston family are!" a violent explosion rocked her office. "This is an emergency!"

It was then that she noticed the complete pandemonium gripping her waiting area as bodies swirled around a forming scene in the nearest corner. Batman was wrestling with the anthropomorphic duck in the purple suit, both of their hands clamped firmly around the arms of the child duck.

"Whaddya think you're doing pal?" the duck screamed towards the Dark Knight, unaware of the insidious glow and demented scowl plastered on his face. Batman's fist soared through the air and struck the duck on his cartoonishly large beak, sending the purple suited creature careening into the wall with a heavy thud.

" **JUSTICE!"** he screamed in a crazed sort of growl. The duck, surprising everyone (even and especially Batman), pulled himself free from the wall and dusted off his large hat.

"Alright then…lets…get… _dangerous_ …"

Batman dropped the girl and turned to face his challenger, his face a mixture of horrific psychosis and gleeful insanity so terrifying that it required the near redundancy of the previous sentence.

" **Alright punk, let's do this then! I'll break every done in your body. Brutally. I'll do it brutally. It's going to be brutal. Brutal."**

"Simply _outrageous!"_ Aquaman chimed in, taking a picture of the scene in front of him with his shell-phone. Another thunderous crash from her office made Karen turn back towards the Amazon.

"I MUST KILL FOR MY MAN!" she screamed. The combination of the bad puns, mixture of Wonder Woman's least flattering characterizations, the terrible redundancy of Batman's dialogue, and the gratuitous breaking of the fourth wall caused Karen to sigh loudly and lean back against the nearest undamaged wall. With a groan, she turned her back on the blossoming fight between Batman and his parody, while pinching the bridge of her nose tightly.

"Anti-life justifies my hate…"

* * *

 **poor consistency + rampant sexism + editorial mandate + delusion / good sales + mockery + condemnation / Eisner Awards x guilt x shame x judgement, n=y where y= hope and n=folly, love=reboot, quality=kicked off the book, self=DiDio.**

 **Amen...or something...**


End file.
